When people ask you questions you know they never really have any intention of hearing the answer. They’re just trying to fill the awkward silence.
The saddest part is how much you long for comfortable silence. Their presence being enough. And when they ask a question with no follow up, you look at them and that comfortable silence you craved turns into more distance.Distance from who you were to them. From what they mean to you. To who you used to be. To who you thought you would be.
This is what they don’t tell you when you’re a kid. That you spend most of your time with people that don’t fuel your fire. 8 hours a day you escape without ever leaving your desk with thoughts of “if only.” That sometimes the loneliest thing is being in a crowded room and feeling alone. Life isn’t in the 2% adventure but in the 98% mundane.
Maybe it’s the 4am in me or maybe it’s the way I’ve always been but all this waiting, all this meantime I seem to be doing, will be worth it once it leads me to you.
And years from now when we’ve rebuilt whatever house you had to have because you fell in love with its character that everyone’s missed but you. When we’ve got a slight buzz from the paint you got a great deal on. When we’re laying on the mattress on the floor because a bed frame seemed less important than a case for your books. I’ll show you this note because while I was waiting for you at 4am, you were too.
Tumblr is a great distraction but I miss having my time being occupied with one person. Being completely sated by not saying anything and being in their presence rather than scrolling through my dash. I just miss…things. And 99.9% of the time I can go about my life, but it’s that damn .1% that feels the hardest. That is the hardest.
The part that misses the way their body moulded to yours. The way yours reacted to their touch. And now all my touch is doing is scrolling through posts. And that’s when .1% feels like a hundred.
Looking for holiday car rentals and then booking it a few days later to find the price went up 50% is the best start to my Saturday. Excuse me while I drive my forehead into a wall.
Dear Random Assortment of Followers,
I am going on a 4 week Asian adventure and will not be updating my tumblr. If you haven’t deleted me, see you when I get back!
Princess Bride is on and all I want to do is talk about mawwiage. It is in fact, what brings us together!
I was in Toronto for the long weekend and went to the Annex Wreckroom for Yes Yes Y’all this past Friday Night.
Whenever my friend and I go out dancing, we zone in on each other and dance like no one is watching. Then out of nowhere, she, stops by our little circle and starts to dance with my friend. At this point, he’s doing a back bend with her in front of him, and I pull on the imaginary string that’s attached to his chest, to bring him back up. She starts laughing and I realize how attractive she is.
She leans into me and says “you guys really dance well together.” So we start dancing and things go really well for the first 2 seconds, I grab the drink that’s in her hand and take a swig, she’s surprised but ok with it. It’s watered down and I say “there’s nothing in here.”
This is where it all goes stupid as I say to her, “I hope you didn’t roofie this”
Her: Well you took a sip first
Me: Well you have rapist written all over your face
You know when you get stuck on a theme and you’re yelling at yourself internally to stop but you can’t. I couldn’t stop talking about sexual assault.
So, Lisa, girl in the red and white tank top, if by some ridiculous chance this happens to find you, I got nervous. What I should have done was finished your drink, grabbed your hand, bought you a new one and kissed you.
There are feelings that I wish would last forever:
1) When you really connect with someone
2) When you have total closure on something
Both have this weird sense of accomplishment attached to it. It’s recognizing something in someone and almost declaring, yes, I finally find YOU! Or realizing how much you’ve grown from a person or situation. How these little pieces are finally coming together to make a whole you.
There are certain articles of clothing that will always get me, tight grey shirts are one. Yes please.
Will never get used to finding people born in the 90s attractive. Stop it with your lovely but young faces.